Scripture
16Then Samuel said to Saul, “Stop! Listen to what the Lord told me last night!” “What did he tell you?” Saul asked. 17And Samuel told him, “Although you may think little of yourself, are you not the leader of the tribes of Israel? The Lord has anointed you king of Israel. 18And the Lord sent you on a mission and told you, ‘Go and completely destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, until they are all dead.’ 19Why haven’t you obeyed the Lord? Why did you rush for the plunder and do what was evil in the Lord’s sight?” 20“But I did obey the Lord,” Saul insisted. “I carried out the mission he gave me. I brought back King Agag, but I destroyed everyone else.” 1 Samuel 15:16-20
Observation
I never noticed this phrase before. As Saul is making excuses for his disobedience Samuel asks him to stop talking and to listen up. Notice what Samuel says first. It’s an issue of identity. He says, “Although you may think little of yourself…” I had always assumed it was Saul’s arrogance, but it was actually his feelings of insignificance that caused him to sin. Then I started putting it together. Years before when Saul had his first interaction with Samuel he revealed his lack of self-worth: “ Saul replied, “But I’m only from the tribe of Benjamin, the smallest tribe in Israel, and my family is the least important of all the families of that tribe! Why are you talking like this to me?”(1 Sam 9:21). He never himself as worthy of hearing from God. The next chapter tells us that God gave Saul “a new heart” (10:9), but it’s clear Saul was stuck in his head, his old ways of thinking. When he was to be anointed as King in front of all Israel he was nowhere to be found. “But when they looked for him, he had disappeared! 22So they asked the Lord, “Where is he?” And the Lord replied, “He is hiding among the baggage.” 23So they found him and brought him out, and he stood head and shoulders above anyone else.” (10:21-23). He may have been tall in stature, but he was small in his self-image. There was a disconnect between his head and his heart. Saul never saw himself the way the Lord saw him and so Saul never saw the Lord the way he might have. Instead of hiding in the Lord’s will Saul was still hiding in the baggage his past and trying to prove to himself what God had already said he was. Saul’s insecurity led to indecision and his insignificance led to arrogance. Saul overcompensated with brash vows and loud declarations and stopped listening to what God was actually saying. This is how Saul could be so self-deluded. He didn’t see himself the way God did. He failed to recognize that delayed obedience or partial obedience was still disobedience in the Lord’s sight. “Close enough” isn’t good enough when it comes to obeying the Lord. Thus, Samuel says, “What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.” (15:22) The Hebrew word for God’s voice is the word used for thunder. The only thing that is louder than thunder is the lie of our false identity. Saul couldn’t hear God’s voice over the voice in his head that said: “you will never measure up.” This lie became a self-fulfilling prophecy in the life of Saul who, at the end of his life, broke God’s law and consulted a medium to try and hear God’s voice one more time. (1 Sam. 28)
Application
I’ve been up since 4 this morning. I’m guessing I’m not the only one on Oahu either. We had a massive thunder and lightning storm roll over our island early this morning. I could have slept through the lightning, but the thunder literally shook the walls… over and over again. God is shaking His people awake right now. He is speaking and we must make sure we aren’t sleeping through this important season for those who follow Him. He is restoring the identity of His Church! As I read this story in 1 Samuel 15 I thought about how the lie of Saul’s identity was louder than the thunder of God’s voice in his life. I thought about how many times God has tried to awaken me from my slumber in the lies of insecurity and inferiority. I thought about how many times I’ve justified my delayed obedience and partial obedience as “close enough” because I wasn’t close enough to His heart for me. There have been many times when I have seen myself as small and I ended up seeing God as small too. When I feel insignificant I try to overcompensate. When I’m not following God’s lead I end up letting insecurity lead and I end up right where Saul did… on the wrong side of God’s will. I remembering wrestling with this so many times as campus pastor at New Hope Oahu. Who was I to step on the same stage as Pastor Wayne Cordeiro? Pastor Wayne and our other amazing leaders would remind me that it wasn’t about the stage, but about the heart. It wasn’t about who saw me but who I was serving. It wasn’t about spiritual sacrifice as much as simple obedience. Ultimately, effective fruitful ministry wasn’t about me at all. This was the place of my freedom. When it becomes all about God and not about me, my identity is found in His presence and not in my performance or position. It frees me up to obey God and to hear His voice above the noise of comparison and insecurity. I am joyfully awakened today as the lie of false identity no longer has a hold on me. Why? Because God is holding me and leading me and I can hear His voice calling me “son”. That’s all the identity I need.
Prayer
I’m not sleeping through Your voice anymore Lord. I’m not hiding in the baggage of past mistakes, insecurity or inferiority. I’m stepping into all You have called me to because I have been found in You and not in what I do or what I think other’s might think of me. Forgive me for the places of arrogance where I have thought I could simply edit Your direction to fit my comfort or predilections. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Obedience flows from the sound of Your voice and is the source of my joy.
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