Scripture
36When he had finished speaking, he knelt and prayed with them. 37They all cried as they embraced and kissed him good-bye. 38They were sad most of all because he had said that they would never see him again. Then they escorted him down to the ship. Acts 20:36-37
Observation
With the elders in Ephesus (Acts 20:22-23), in Tyre (Acts 21:4), and in the city of Caesarea (Acts 21:13-14) it was a steady series of surrenders. Paul had been warned by The Holy Spirit that what awaited him in Jerusalem was prison and pain. In each instance the people that loved Paul pled with him not to go. They didn’t want to see their friend and pastor go through this. Who can blame them? Why didn’t Paul listen to them? Their hearts were broken in the letting go and the ending of their relationship. His heart was broken in the leaving. Ultimately, Paul’s heart belonged to the Lord. Ananias had prophesied from the day of Paul’s conversion that “This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. 16I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.” (Acts 9:15-16). These prophetic words were being interpreted by Paul’s friends through empathy and sympathy but not by the Spirit of God. They read these words as prevention. Paul received these words as preparation and confirmation. He was willing to live with a broken heart to reach the hearts of the Gentiles and those in positions of authority. He valued relationships as Acts 21 describes in the original Greek a literal “tearing himself away” from the elders in Ephesus. Paul valued His relationship with His Savior above all else.
Application
This was what Dr. Henry Cloud described in his book as a “Necessary Ending”. He writes that we have had too many painful endings in our personal history, so we avoid another one and end up missing out on what God has for us. Following Jesus means we are married to the mission and ending any method that no longer bears fruit. Otherwise, our heart will hang on to the last thing when God has called us to the next thing. I think of the words of Jesus to His disciples in Matthew 19:29: “And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life.” It’s pretty clear that to surrender my heart to Jesus is to encounter a broken heart with others. My loyalty to my Lord must supersede my loyalty to others. I wont hold back from ministering with a whole heart, but only God holds my whole heart. One of the hardest things we’ve ever done was to leave our New Hope Seattle Ohana of 10 years to move to Kona to pastor New Hope Legacy. Because we had planted that church we knew every single persons story who was there. When I read of Paul leaving Ephesus in tears I know exactly how he felt. To make it even more painful most of my family and Cyndi’s family had relocated to the Northwest over the years. To move to Hawaii was to ask our boys to leave the only life they’d ever known and to leave their family and friends. I remember every tearful meeting with our leaders that we had served in the trenches with for ten years. Now, granted, we were being called to Hawaii, not prison in Rome. Paul had it much harder. I remember very distinctly having waves of grief wash over me in the first few months in Kona as I thought about my family, friends, and church that were now so far away. Yet, I never for a moment doubted this was God’s will for us. He had confirmed this move in many ways and so, even in the midst of the pain, the path forward was clear. Though some in positions of leadership over me questioned whether this was actually the Lord leading us Cyndi and I and the boys knew this was what God was calling us to do. Out of the brokenness came a boldness. Now, almost twenty years later, I can see what God was leading us to that I would completely have missed out on if I had held on to my heart instead of surrendering it to Him. Obedience to the Lord will lead to a broken heart, but its out of the broken heart of obedience that many hearts will find salvation.
Prayer
Lord, my heart, my time, my life all belong to You. I want to continue to live life with an open hand. I would have missed out on everything You are doing in San Diego had I held on to my assignment in Hawaii. I didn’t understand at the time why You would call us to let go of all our Ohana there, but I knew it was You. Now, almost five years later I see the abundant fruit born of the broken heart. Instead of being afraid of the unknown I cling to the One who knows me! Instead of living out of self-preservation I want to live in the place of glorious surrender to the God who leads me! Your necessary endings have led me to wondrous beginnings here in San Diego!
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